English, why are you so confusing? Just when I think I have you figured out, I stumble upon another exception to a rule. It’s no wonder my daughter, who has severe dyslexia, finds spelling practically impossible. When she tries to write words phonetically, it simply doesn’t work. I mean, look at that, even phonetically is not spelled foenetikallee.
What’s wrong with the letter f? We didn’t think one letter was sufficient and decided two would be the best and simplest way to represent the f sound. I shake my fist at you, English!
If you think this is exciting, you should be at my house at dinnertime! The Rhine family dinner table discussions are quite amusing. With the hysterical and always entertaining topics of grammar and spelling, we’re a real laugh a minute! (And we’re available for parties, too!) Most of the time, the debates and complaints about our language arise when one us breaks (which can also be spelled, brakes) a holy (also spelled, wholly or holey) code of grammar. I am guilty of using good when I should have used well. My daughter makes up words that don’t exist but should exist, like funner and gooder. My husband, the Ph.D. in the family, can’t seem to remember to use may I rather than can I when asking one of us to pass a dish to him. My son, however, and much to the perturbation of my daughter, has become the authoritarian when it comes to enforcing said rules.
After much frustration and many heated debates, we concluded that English needed to be rewritten. And after surfing the internet researching language, I found my family was not alone in holding this belief.
I decree that a new set of rules, which are consistent and simple to follow, be created for English. For instance, some letter combinations would immediately become obsolete in my, Lawjikal Gide to Spelling. We don’t need ph, gh, tion, kn, or ight. If I need to write the word phoenix, and we don’t need wr either, it is perfectly understandable when spelled, feeniks.
So, here are a few words that if I were the Lord of Spelling, would be changed.
What words would you change if you had the power? Give me a few of your revisions in the comments below. Are there (also spelled their and they’re) any letter combinations that you would banish if given the opportunity? After this enlightening and enlivening discussion (or as I prefer to spell it: After this enlitetining and enliveening diskushun), I must away to work on my novel!